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What do you want to be when you grow up?

10:11 AM, Mar. 17, 2014  |  Comments
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What do you want to be when you grow up? I sure hated that question. The first time I heard it I was so preoccupied having just learned that I must grow up, that I couldn't possibly worry about what I was going to become when I did so.

Eventually, I needed to provide an answer, so I declared that I was going to become a valley man. I wanted to be a mountain man, but was afraid of heights.

Then during high school I learned that a valley man was actually a guy who lived on the beaches of California and surfed and said things like "righteous" and "gnarly." I have said the word gnarly exactly one time in my life. It caused my date to spew chocolate milk from her nose.

Perhaps a woodsman would be a better option than a valley man? Woodsman sounded nice. Back woodsman sounded even better. Living off the land, hunting and fishing for my food, being one with Mother Nature and so on; that sounded pretty great.

There was one slight problem. Just like most teenage boys, 99 percent of my time was spent trying to meet girls. Where would a back woodsman go to meet girls? In all my time outdoors I've never made a date while exploring the back woods of the Northwoods. More importantly, where would a back woodsman go to take a shower? Meeting girls doesn't go well if one hasn't showered this side of the Reagan administration.

What I needed was something that allowed me to spend all the time I wanted outdoors, but still have a hot shower at the end of the day ... or week at the very least. Somehow, I needed to find a calling more feasible than being a mountain man and less absurd than being a valley man.

Thankfully, I discovered the joys of being an outdoorsman. I'm happy to say that is exactly what I've become now that I'm grown. Yes, contrary to the beliefs of my teachers, relatives and a handful of ex-girlfriends, I did manage to grow up.

Being an outdoorsman, I get to hunt, fish, camp, hike and explore to my heart's content. There is an ever changing landscape all around us and as an outdoorsman I get to enjoy every inch of it. As far as I can tell, an outdoorsman is about the best thing a person can become when they grow up.

What's your take on the Packers Family Night change?

Retrieving results.
Watching practice is fine.(Your vote)
15%
576 votes
I'd rather watch a scrimmage.(Your vote)
23%
856 votes
I don't want to pay to watch practice.(Your vote)
27%
1018 votes
It doesn't matter to me.(Your vote)
34%
1272 votes

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If you've ever answered "Who has the ball?" with "It's halftime," you might recognize The Airhead. Check out the characters in our cartoon gallery of oddball fans.

Special Reports