NFL power rankings

1. Dallas Cowboys          (last week)            1

Have dropped a dime on rest of NFL.

2. Seattle Seahawks                                     2

May be missing Michael.

3. New England Patriots                              3

Brady listed as “None of your business.”

4. Oakland Raiders                                       5

Next U.S. ambassador to Mexico.

5. Denver Broncos                                        6

Offense well-rested from inactivity.

6. Kansas City Chiefs                                   4

Have fallen but can still get up.

7. New York Giants                                      11

Offering bonus to Browns if they show up.

8. Washington                                               7

Cowboys shut down Norman’s mouth.

9. Detroit Lions                                           13

Have reached their northern peak.

10.  Miami Dolphins                                   12

Jay-walking.

11. Atlanta Falcons                                      8

Sharpening talons for Cardinals.

12. Houston Texans                                     9

Enjoy home-style cooking only.

13. Philadelphia Eagles                             10

Packers offer up 2nd serving of turkey.

14. Pittsburgh Steelers                              17

Mopping up other teams’ messes.

15. Minnesota Vikings                               14

Matching Packers loss for loss.

16. Buffalo Bills                                          18

Wouldn’t mind a second serving of Jaguar.

17. Indianapolis Colts                                16

No Luck when it comes to Thursday games.

18. Tennessee Titans                                 15

Will give Bears 5-minute head start.

19. Baltimore Ravens                                19

Penalized for excessive penalties.

20. Carolina Panthers                                21

Heading west with renewed lack of hope.

21. Green Bay Packers                             20

Vegas rates chances as zero to none.

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers                      26

Putting seats back into stadium.

23. Arizona Cardinals                                23

O-line excels at lifting Palmer off ground.

24. New Orleans Saints                             22

Prefer to wait until late 4th to lose.

25. Los Angeles Rams                              24

Kroenke thinking of selling to St. Louis.

26. San Diego Chargers                           27

Told they have to finish out the year.

27. Cincinnati Bengals                             25

Tie continues to be source of pride.

28. New York Jets                                     28

Gaining momentum for off-season.

29. Chicago Bears                                    29

No longer replacing guys on roster.

30. Jacksonville Jaguars                         30

So close to being a football team.

31. San Francisco 49ers                          31

Ownership staying the course.

32. Cleveland Browns                              32

Practice hurting game-day performance.